Genuine transcripts from Swedish courts

Lawyer: – Are you sexually active?

Witness: -No, I just lie there…

Lawyer: – Your birthday?

Witness: – 18 July.

Lawyer: – Which year?

Witness: – Each year

Lawyer: – Can you tell me doctor, if a man dies in his sleep he doesn’t know it until next morning?

Doctor: – And you have been accepted as a lawyer??

Lawyer: – The baby was thus conceived on the 8th of August?

Witness: – Ye

Lawyer: – Can you tell us what you were doing then?

Witness: – Well…, I got fucked…

Lawyer: – What ended your marriage?

Witness: – Death.

Lawyer: – Whose death ended your marriage?

Witness: – I need another lawyer! Can I get another lawyer?

Lawyer: – What time did you begin the obduction?

Doctor: – About nine in the evening.

Lawyer: – Mr Danielsson was dead at this time?

Doctor: – No, he sat on the table and was wondering why I was doing the obduction

Lawyer: – Doctor, before you began your obduction did you check whether the person examined had a pulse?

Doctor: – No

Lawyer: – Blood pressure?

Doctor: – No

Lawyer: – Breathing?

Doctor: – No

Lawyer: – Is it possible that the patient might have been alive then?

Doctor: – No

Lawyer: – How can you be so certain?

Doctor: – His brain was in a glas jar on the next table.

Lawyer: – I see. Was there any chance that the patient was alive then?

Doctor: – Well, he may have been alive and working as a lawyer